a new addition


07.07.16

I’ve been getting very faint lines for a couple of days now.  I’ve taken a bazillion tests and they’re all starting to show faint lines.  I’m 14 DPO (days post ovulation… for those of you hip to the fertility lingo).

I keep comparing this to my pregnancy with my son and it’s already so different.  With him, I had all day nausea starting at 9 DPO.  I had a very definite blazing positive line by 12 DPO with him.

So, I’m nervous.  I’m also spotting.  I’ve been spotting for nearly a week now.  I didn’t spot once my entire pregnancy with my son.  So, that’s throwing me off.  I’m not sure what to think!

As far as my symptoms, I definitely have them.  I became crazy lightheaded and dizzy last Saturday while shopping at Ikea with my husband and son.  I was 9 DPO that day.  The same day I started getting symptoms with my son!  I have very, very slight nausea here and there, but NOTHING like I had with my son.  I’ve just been really lightheaded and dizzy!  And waking up in the middle of the night drenched in sweat, which always means my hormones are going crazy.  Maybe my main symptom will be dizziness this pregnancy instead of nausea.  I WILL TAKE IT!!!

My son is all I can think about when I think about bringing a new baby home.  I worry about how he’ll transition to life as a big brother.  I hope he loves the baby.  I hope he knows I still love him just as much even if we bring a new baby home.  I worry that I will miss him when I am taking care of a new baby.  I am so happy we waited 2 years to start trying for a second one because I had two whole years to really baby him!  I loved that.  I just worry about how his life will change after he’s no longer our only focus.

07.08.16

I’m officially one day late today.  The only problem is the lines aren’t getting darker on the tests.

I still called and made an appointment with my OBGYN yesterday.  Thank God I did because she is booked solid for 2 weeks, so I won’t even get in for my first appointment until I’m 6 weeks.  I’m having them call me in a nausea prescription JUST IN CASE I hit that 6 week mark and it hits me. I did stop spotting so that’s promising.

We prayed for the new baby last night before bedtime.  We have been saying prayers with our son for a few months now and he lists all our family members in his prayer.  It’s too adorable.  I added ‘new baby’ at the end of the list and by that point he was already picking out a book to read before bed. :)

I am really hoping and praying that the test lines keep getting darker this weekend.  I am going to buy a digital test and take it sometime this weekend.  I’m still FEELING pregnant.  Very light nausea and dizziness.  My due date would be March 20th based on my period or March 16th based on my ovulation date.  :)

07.10.16

I started my period yesterday.  I knew it was coming when I woke up and my temperature dropped significantly.

I didn’t think I would be as emotional as I was yesterday.  I feel so stupid and silly since I wasn’t REALLY pregnant, right?  But then I look at all those test with VERY visible lines.  Faint lines, but lines nonetheless.  And I remember the dizziness and lightheadedness that stuck around for a week and I know that I was, indeed, pregnant for about a week.

If I’m being honest, I knew something wasn’t right from the moment I saw that first spot.  I knew deep down that spotting every day for nearly 10 days wasn’t good.  The nurse said it was fine, but I knew deep down that it wasn’t.  Just didn’t want to accept it.

So, I was pregnant for, at most, a week. I know this is super common, but the anxiety sets in when another cycle starts.  It’s just an emotional roller coaster to get your hopes up for 2 weeks and then see so many positive tests and then start your period.  And I know SO many women go through this month after month after month.  I can’t imagine the pain of years of going through this.

I know I should enjoy these 2 weeks of not being “maybe pregnant’ until we try again next week, but I’m not.  I just want to skip ahead and try again and then be hopeful that this cycle will be our sticky baby.

07.14.16

The doctor wanted me to come in for a blood draw yesterday to make sure my HCG levels went down.  Everything looked fine so I guess that’s good news I suppose.  They said we could start trying immediately again.  The called it a ‘chemical pregnancy’ which I kind of assumed after Googling so much.  They said they wanted me to come in for a blood draw as soon as I got my next positive pregnancy test in case I needed to go on a progesterone supplement.  I’ve never had any hormonal issues so I really doubt that’s the cause of this.  I just think this pregnancy didn’t work out.  I know I was only pregnant for a few days, so I’m just trying to sort of my feelings right here.  I still haven’t told anyone about this even though I’ve considered telling a few other moms a couple of times.  It was honestly a nice feeling to be able to talk to the nurses about what was going on.  They said after a chemical pregnancy, you can have very high fertility, so that was good news to hear.

We have some fun stuff going on over the next few days that I’ve been looking forward to, so that will keep my mind occupied.  We are getting a new bed for our master bedroom and we’re planning to have a beer and put that together tonight (#marriedlife).  This weekend, we are going out for a really fancy dinner for my in-laws 40th anniversary.  Their anniversary dinner has been in the works for months and I kept wondering how I was going to side-step ordering a glass of wine with dinner and having everyone wonder why I wasn’t drinking.  Now I don’t have to worry about that.

07.21.16

So now we enter another two week wait (TWW).  My plan during the TWW (the time between when you ovulate and when you get a positive pregnancy test or you start a new cycle) is to just stay as busy as possible. 10-14 days of wondering if you’re carrying your baby or not.  Wondering if there is something that you can do to help the baby stay safe.  Wondering if you’re doing something wrong.  It’s been so hot in Kansas City lately (heat advisories at like 110!) so I’m so paranoid about getting overheated.

I ovulated early again this cycle (day 11 or 12…I can’t pinpoint the exact day but I’m leaning towards day 12).  I read that this can be a sign you’re getting old.  Something about diminishing ovarian reserve.  Awesome.  That made me feel great about myself. Ha. My due date this cycle would be April 12th based on my ovulation day or April 15th (TAX DAY!!!) based on the day my cycle started. Beautiful time for a beautiful spring baby!  Come on, my husband and I both have accounting degrees and I’m a CPA, so an April 15th has gotta be a good luck charm, right?! 😉

Here’s hoping the next 10 days fly by!

07.26.16

Halfway through the TWW and already psyching myself out that I’m having some symptoms.  I was a little crampy yesterday.  I slept like the dead last night and had crazy intense dreams and my basal body temperature is pretty high.  All pretty typical pregnancy signs for me.  The sleep thing, definitely.  I sleep so damn good when I’m pregnant.  It’s definitely the best thing about being pregnant.

Here I am, analyzing possible phantom symptoms and getting my hopes up again.  Such is the life of the TWW. :)

I planning to test on Friday or Saturday for the first time.  Friday would be 9 (or 10) DPO.  Saturday would be 10 (or 11) DPO.  Early, yes — but I have 50 of those Wondfo tests from Amazon just staring at me from my bathroom drawer.

07.28.16

8 DPO.  This is the day I started spotting last month.  No spotting yet.  Praise the Lord.

Dizziness hit me last night around 5:30pm.  Slight nausea, but definite dizziness.  Sleeping like the dead this week.  Could it be possible again?  Praying.

I have been terrified to work out, which, honestly, I’m not too sad about right now.  I’m in a workout rut (again, ha).  I have been just trying to stay active throughout the day.  I’m trying to stand more at work and my mom just ordered me a Garmin VivoFit 2 for my birthday next month.  Exciting!  Things like this are keeping me distracted.

The next few days will be important days.  If I start spotting, the emotional rollercoaster will start again.  But, if the weekend goes by without spotting, I will be so, so, so happy.  If there’s a baby in there, please, please, please stay with me! <3

 

I realize these types of posts may trigger difficult feelings for some people.  I consider pregnancy a very sensitive topic and I consider any pregnancy a blessing.  If you’re struggling with infertility, you are in my prayers.


About Amber

Hi, I'm Amber! I live in Kansas City with my family. I am a working mom trying to do it all. I love iMessaging, teasing my husband, working out sporadically, Friends episode on Netflix, and smothering my baby boy with kisses. email me at ambergil@me.com anytime!

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